Having a tough day? Remember the notepad in your “tool belt”? It is time to break it out and begin writing. The best recipe for feeling better almost instantly is listing everything you can think of for which you are grateful. Pause every day for two weeks, eight times a day and write ten things for which you are grateful. After two weeks, throttle back to four times each day for the next two months! Be specific and think of as many new things as you can each day.
After being grateful for 80 specific things a day for three days your list will get very interesting. It may read something like this. I am grateful for being alive another day; for clean sheets; for a soft bed; for two legs to get out of bed and walk to the bathroom; for clean, hot water; for a clean shower; for clean, soft towels; for a clean toothbrush and toothpaste; for being able to brush my own teeth; for a choice of breakfast food; for ant-free food; for green grass; for breezes to cool the temperatures.
At some point you run out of your own things and become grateful for things on behalf of other people. Your focus moves from yourself and your family to others. You may be grateful for the new home your best friend just purchased, or the business success your brother has had, or the health of your neighbor’s new baby.
When you run out of other peoples’ things, the real magic begins. You start to think of what you will have and what other people will have. Your list starts to read something like this. I am grateful for the quick recovery from surgery my brother will have; and for the sales my friend in real estate will make this month; and for the dream home our friends will buy.
Build thankfulness into your life and see your world change. Pay attention to people for whom everything seems easy. Good things seem to continuously flow their way. Being thankful for all things is their secret. Whatever happens they are continually happy with their lives.
I have personally made this gratitude exercise a part of my life. It has been a magical journey! Amazing synchronicities happen almost daily. And, I feel great every day.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Five Must-Have Tools for Tuning Up Your Frame of Mind
The way you think is fundamentally responsible for the results you get. It’s true. Your thoughts form the beliefs you have. Your beliefs create the expectations you have. Your expectations drive the results you get. Life really is that simple. You get to choose your thoughts. The tricky part is that you have about 60,000 thoughts each day, most of which occur in your subconscious and unconscious mind, many of which are left over from childhood. So how do you ensure that your thinking is aligned with the results you want? You equip your frame-of-mind “tool belt” with these five “tools”:
1. A Hammer. Use your hammer to hammer out thoughts that make you feel badly. If you are not feeling good it is an indicator that your thoughts are not aligned with what you want.
2. A Flashlight. Use your flashlight to illuminate the thought behind the way you feel. Once you identify the thought you can trade it for a slightly better-feeling thought. Keep trading up until you feel good again.
3. A Magnifying Glass. Use your magnifying glass to find what is right and good about your life right now. Through the magnifying glass what is good dwarfs everything else.
4. Vice Grips. Use your vice grips to hold your thoughts on all that is right and good in your life. Take time to appreciate what is in your grips. What you appreciate appreciates.
5. A Notepad and pen. Use your notepad and pen to record your thoughts and feelings. Pause throughout the day and write down ten things for which you are grateful. Gratitude is the best remedy for feeling better fast and keeping those good feelings!
Equip your “tool belt” with these tools at all times. When bad-feeling thoughts creep in you will be prepared to be happy again by tuning up your mind and tuning out the negative!
1. A Hammer. Use your hammer to hammer out thoughts that make you feel badly. If you are not feeling good it is an indicator that your thoughts are not aligned with what you want.
2. A Flashlight. Use your flashlight to illuminate the thought behind the way you feel. Once you identify the thought you can trade it for a slightly better-feeling thought. Keep trading up until you feel good again.
3. A Magnifying Glass. Use your magnifying glass to find what is right and good about your life right now. Through the magnifying glass what is good dwarfs everything else.
4. Vice Grips. Use your vice grips to hold your thoughts on all that is right and good in your life. Take time to appreciate what is in your grips. What you appreciate appreciates.
5. A Notepad and pen. Use your notepad and pen to record your thoughts and feelings. Pause throughout the day and write down ten things for which you are grateful. Gratitude is the best remedy for feeling better fast and keeping those good feelings!
Equip your “tool belt” with these tools at all times. When bad-feeling thoughts creep in you will be prepared to be happy again by tuning up your mind and tuning out the negative!
Friday, July 24, 2009
THOSE ARE FIGHTING WORDS – NOW WHAT?
It’s the end of another great day to be in real estate. You held a contract together despite the home inspection results, all while maintaining your commission. You listed two sellable properties. You enjoyed three hours of lead generating and managing those leads. You are standing in the kitchen whipping up another tasty dinner, when your 14-year-old daughter walks in.
“I hate living with you!” she declares as she plops herself on the kitchen floor, arms crossed, legs crossed, eyes crossed.
What are you thinking at this critical moment? Do you react, snapping back at her without thinking, ensuring a miserable evening for both of you? Or, do you pause, collect yourself, and respond, curious about the real issue?
Here is what happened when Becky, one amazing divorced mom, chose to respond.
Becky took a deep breath. She plopped onto the floor beside her daughter, mustered her courage, and asked the question.
“Why do you hate living with me?”
“Because the house is so big, and when I come home from school you give me so many chores to do. There is no one to help me, Mom.”
“What else?”
“You are so busy. You can’t always help me with my homework.”
“Go on…”
“Every time we order pizza we have leftovers.”
“Ah. Do you miss your sister?”
“Why did she have to leave home to go to college? Why couldn’t she go to the university in town?”
“I miss her, too. I wonder what she is doing right now? Give me a hug and then let’s call your sister.”
Becky confessed that this was a rare moment when she had the presence of mind to have a healthy exchange with her daughter when she started the dialogue with fighting words.
So the most important concept to remember is this: You can react or you can respond. Your thoughts are your choice. You can choose thoughts that make you feel good, or thoughts that make you feel bad. When you are feeling hurt, focus on feeling better. Call a family member or friend. Hug someone. Get an ice cream. Take a walk. Listen to great music. Focus on what is great, good, or even okay right now. You are much more likely to respond and get the outcome you desire the moment you move toward a better frame of mind.
“I hate living with you!” she declares as she plops herself on the kitchen floor, arms crossed, legs crossed, eyes crossed.
What are you thinking at this critical moment? Do you react, snapping back at her without thinking, ensuring a miserable evening for both of you? Or, do you pause, collect yourself, and respond, curious about the real issue?
Here is what happened when Becky, one amazing divorced mom, chose to respond.
Becky took a deep breath. She plopped onto the floor beside her daughter, mustered her courage, and asked the question.
“Why do you hate living with me?”
“Because the house is so big, and when I come home from school you give me so many chores to do. There is no one to help me, Mom.”
“What else?”
“You are so busy. You can’t always help me with my homework.”
“Go on…”
“Every time we order pizza we have leftovers.”
“Ah. Do you miss your sister?”
“Why did she have to leave home to go to college? Why couldn’t she go to the university in town?”
“I miss her, too. I wonder what she is doing right now? Give me a hug and then let’s call your sister.”
Becky confessed that this was a rare moment when she had the presence of mind to have a healthy exchange with her daughter when she started the dialogue with fighting words.
So the most important concept to remember is this: You can react or you can respond. Your thoughts are your choice. You can choose thoughts that make you feel good, or thoughts that make you feel bad. When you are feeling hurt, focus on feeling better. Call a family member or friend. Hug someone. Get an ice cream. Take a walk. Listen to great music. Focus on what is great, good, or even okay right now. You are much more likely to respond and get the outcome you desire the moment you move toward a better frame of mind.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
True Friends, True Value
by Julie Rahm
Earlier this year, I lamented to my friend, Kim, that I could not find time to do what I wanted to do with my business. She asked me what I was spending my time doing if it was not working toward my personal goals. As I recited the litany of organizations and tasks that took my time, she grinned and gave me the “cocker spaniel tilt” with her head. And then she said five short words that pierced my soul. “Where do you get your value?” As I rattled off a list of my achievements and character traits, she stopped me and said directly that it is not my worldly successes that give me value. She claimed it is not what I do, but how I am that caused her to love and respect me. I had to sit down. She said my value came simply from being created by God, unique and unrepeatable. The idea shook me to the core. For my entire life until that moment I thought people loved and respected me for all that I accomplished. After all, I had spent 43 years as a “human doing” instead of a “human being”, striving to achieve and be perfect. My stomach churned as I considered the possibility that Kim was right. I wondered what would be left of me if I peeled off the layers of worldly success. I needed more evidence.
For the next several weeks I paid close attention to my family and friends. When I told my husband that I was stacking the evidence of my value, he laughed. He could not believe that I thought he loved me for my competence, intellect, and talent, which apparently, in some areas are not as strong as I thought they were. He asked me to accept myself as an imperfect human, because my elevated frustration levels at my imperfect performances of simple tasks was not attractive. This was not the data I expected to collect.
The most outstanding moment of evidence came when my Leadership Craven class climbed the three-story tower during our closing retreat. (I wrote about the climb in my August blog entry entitled, The Ascent.) At this point I still did not believe Kim. Some classmates climbed the tower to the top, some did not. The only option I allowed myself was climbing to the top. However, another classmate who felt the same way I did stopped just short of the top and could go no further. When he reached the ground he received the same back slaps and high fives that I did. Whether or not we reached the top had nothing to do with how our classmates felt about us.
After stacking the evidence for a month, my churning stomach turned into a feeling of relief. I could literally breathe again. I have value simply because I am. It is who I am, not what I do that draws people to me. I began to get excited about the possibilities of living as a limited, imperfect human being. After all, there are only 88 keys on a piano and yet with only those keys available to them, composers and songwriters have written millions of different pieces. And, with only the colors in a rainbow, artists have painted millions of beautiful pictures.
Earlier this year, I lamented to my friend, Kim, that I could not find time to do what I wanted to do with my business. She asked me what I was spending my time doing if it was not working toward my personal goals. As I recited the litany of organizations and tasks that took my time, she grinned and gave me the “cocker spaniel tilt” with her head. And then she said five short words that pierced my soul. “Where do you get your value?” As I rattled off a list of my achievements and character traits, she stopped me and said directly that it is not my worldly successes that give me value. She claimed it is not what I do, but how I am that caused her to love and respect me. I had to sit down. She said my value came simply from being created by God, unique and unrepeatable. The idea shook me to the core. For my entire life until that moment I thought people loved and respected me for all that I accomplished. After all, I had spent 43 years as a “human doing” instead of a “human being”, striving to achieve and be perfect. My stomach churned as I considered the possibility that Kim was right. I wondered what would be left of me if I peeled off the layers of worldly success. I needed more evidence.
For the next several weeks I paid close attention to my family and friends. When I told my husband that I was stacking the evidence of my value, he laughed. He could not believe that I thought he loved me for my competence, intellect, and talent, which apparently, in some areas are not as strong as I thought they were. He asked me to accept myself as an imperfect human, because my elevated frustration levels at my imperfect performances of simple tasks was not attractive. This was not the data I expected to collect.
The most outstanding moment of evidence came when my Leadership Craven class climbed the three-story tower during our closing retreat. (I wrote about the climb in my August blog entry entitled, The Ascent.) At this point I still did not believe Kim. Some classmates climbed the tower to the top, some did not. The only option I allowed myself was climbing to the top. However, another classmate who felt the same way I did stopped just short of the top and could go no further. When he reached the ground he received the same back slaps and high fives that I did. Whether or not we reached the top had nothing to do with how our classmates felt about us.
After stacking the evidence for a month, my churning stomach turned into a feeling of relief. I could literally breathe again. I have value simply because I am. It is who I am, not what I do that draws people to me. I began to get excited about the possibilities of living as a limited, imperfect human being. After all, there are only 88 keys on a piano and yet with only those keys available to them, composers and songwriters have written millions of different pieces. And, with only the colors in a rainbow, artists have painted millions of beautiful pictures.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
The Gratitude Habit
by Julie Rahm
"Gratitude creates a strong positive energy that brings to us feelings of peace and happiness. From this point of happiness, what we desire begins to flow freely into our lives. We attract more things into our lives for which to be grateful. When we make it a habit each morning to focus on the things for which we are grateful and to cherish all the tangible and intangible aspects of our lives, we put ourselves in the right frame of mind to make every day a great day." Those are the words of my coach, Kim Ades. I invite you to join me in this habit of gratitude. Start today and continue every morning to pause and think of five things for which you are grateful.
When life is full of challenges, recognizing all we have for which to be thankful can feel daunting. Those times of challenge are when our attitude of gratitude is most important. Such an attitude keeps us from sliding down to the negative end of the emotional scale and staying there, which is what happens when we are focused only on what is wrong with our lives. If you are having trouble feeling grateful, let me help you get started with suggestions from Kim.
Begin by paying attention to the things you rarely notice and the things that are working for you that you generally overlook or typically just take for granted. Consider the aspects about you that you are proud of and cherish.
Think about the people in your life for whom you are grateful and why you are grateful for them. What role have they played in your life and what do they mean to you?
What experiences have you had for which you are grateful? How did the experiences impact your life in a positive way?
Consider the big things for which you are grateful that make your life easier and more comfortable - things that are fundamental to your life and provide your life with the infrastructure you need to live.
Think about the things that you enjoy in your life - the pleasures, the recreation, the indulgences, the treats, and the fun for which you are grateful.
Reflect on the teachers you have encountered who have left an imprint on you, and on those people who have left a mark for which you are deeply grateful.
Mull over the lessons for which you are grateful. What have you learned along the way that is so vital and important to you that you want to share those lessons with people you love, your kids, your friends, and close family members?
Start each day with feelings of peace and wellbeing by saying thank you for five things in your life. By making gratitude your daily habit, you start down the road to being happy regardless of what is happening around you. And, you attract more for which to be thankful.
"Gratitude creates a strong positive energy that brings to us feelings of peace and happiness. From this point of happiness, what we desire begins to flow freely into our lives. We attract more things into our lives for which to be grateful. When we make it a habit each morning to focus on the things for which we are grateful and to cherish all the tangible and intangible aspects of our lives, we put ourselves in the right frame of mind to make every day a great day." Those are the words of my coach, Kim Ades. I invite you to join me in this habit of gratitude. Start today and continue every morning to pause and think of five things for which you are grateful.
When life is full of challenges, recognizing all we have for which to be thankful can feel daunting. Those times of challenge are when our attitude of gratitude is most important. Such an attitude keeps us from sliding down to the negative end of the emotional scale and staying there, which is what happens when we are focused only on what is wrong with our lives. If you are having trouble feeling grateful, let me help you get started with suggestions from Kim.
Begin by paying attention to the things you rarely notice and the things that are working for you that you generally overlook or typically just take for granted. Consider the aspects about you that you are proud of and cherish.
Think about the people in your life for whom you are grateful and why you are grateful for them. What role have they played in your life and what do they mean to you?
What experiences have you had for which you are grateful? How did the experiences impact your life in a positive way?
Consider the big things for which you are grateful that make your life easier and more comfortable - things that are fundamental to your life and provide your life with the infrastructure you need to live.
Think about the things that you enjoy in your life - the pleasures, the recreation, the indulgences, the treats, and the fun for which you are grateful.
Reflect on the teachers you have encountered who have left an imprint on you, and on those people who have left a mark for which you are deeply grateful.
Mull over the lessons for which you are grateful. What have you learned along the way that is so vital and important to you that you want to share those lessons with people you love, your kids, your friends, and close family members?
Start each day with feelings of peace and wellbeing by saying thank you for five things in your life. By making gratitude your daily habit, you start down the road to being happy regardless of what is happening around you. And, you attract more for which to be thankful.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Stack the Evidence
by Julie Rahm
Have you ever closed your eyes and let your imagination run wild with dreams and visions for your future? What happens when you open your eyes again? Do you believe you can accomplish your vision, or do you say it’s just a fantasy and get back to your everyday life?
Your imagination is part of your connection to your Creator. Your God-inspired visions are absolutely possible to achieve if you simply remember to include God! Have courage! Let your imagination go and write your personal vision statement, and then work on believing you can achieve it. Start by asking yourself this question. If you had all the money, time, resources, and talent you needed, what would you do?
It is so easy to feel small compared to your lofty vision. It is natural to wonder how you will ever get from where you are to where you want to be. The key to shrinking the mental distance between you and your vision is to open yourself to receive everything the universe has to offer you. To begin opening yourself to blessings from the universe, take the five actions below and make your vision accessible!
(1) Have an attitude of gratitude. Every morning and every evening write down five things for which you are grateful. Recognize the many blessings you have already received.
(2) Stack the evidence. Look for evidence every day that your vision is what you are already doing. Notice the little things you do that align with your vision.
(3) Say positive affirmations three times each day, and say them with passion! Here are some examples of my positive affirmations in case you need a jump-start to write your own.
· My life is abundant in every way!
· I am the best in all I do!
· My life is filled with love and beauty!
· The right people are in my path and I have favor with all of them!
· I am divinely guided and protected!
· I believe all things are possible!
· I can do anything!
· I make a difference in this world!
(4) Be the gatekeeper of your people environment. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people. Reduce the time you spend with people who focus on bad news, or people who are consistently complaining or critical. You may think you can bring them up. It is more likely they will bring you down!
(5) Have faith! Be willing to trust that your Creator is a loving God who would not inspire dreams in you that He did not make you uniquely equipped to fulfill!
Close your eyes, see your vision, and then take action to close the gap between where you are and where you want to be!
Have you ever closed your eyes and let your imagination run wild with dreams and visions for your future? What happens when you open your eyes again? Do you believe you can accomplish your vision, or do you say it’s just a fantasy and get back to your everyday life?
Your imagination is part of your connection to your Creator. Your God-inspired visions are absolutely possible to achieve if you simply remember to include God! Have courage! Let your imagination go and write your personal vision statement, and then work on believing you can achieve it. Start by asking yourself this question. If you had all the money, time, resources, and talent you needed, what would you do?
It is so easy to feel small compared to your lofty vision. It is natural to wonder how you will ever get from where you are to where you want to be. The key to shrinking the mental distance between you and your vision is to open yourself to receive everything the universe has to offer you. To begin opening yourself to blessings from the universe, take the five actions below and make your vision accessible!
(1) Have an attitude of gratitude. Every morning and every evening write down five things for which you are grateful. Recognize the many blessings you have already received.
(2) Stack the evidence. Look for evidence every day that your vision is what you are already doing. Notice the little things you do that align with your vision.
(3) Say positive affirmations three times each day, and say them with passion! Here are some examples of my positive affirmations in case you need a jump-start to write your own.
· My life is abundant in every way!
· I am the best in all I do!
· My life is filled with love and beauty!
· The right people are in my path and I have favor with all of them!
· I am divinely guided and protected!
· I believe all things are possible!
· I can do anything!
· I make a difference in this world!
(4) Be the gatekeeper of your people environment. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people. Reduce the time you spend with people who focus on bad news, or people who are consistently complaining or critical. You may think you can bring them up. It is more likely they will bring you down!
(5) Have faith! Be willing to trust that your Creator is a loving God who would not inspire dreams in you that He did not make you uniquely equipped to fulfill!
Close your eyes, see your vision, and then take action to close the gap between where you are and where you want to be!
Monday, September 1, 2008
Your True Value
By Julie Rahm
What makes you valuable? Perhaps you think it’s what you do, how you look, or what you have. If so, consider this perspective. What makes a home designed by world-renowned architect Frank Lloyd Wright worth more than another home of the same size and similar location? Of course, it is because the unique design of the home was created by architect Frank Lloyd Wright. By the same token, the architect behind your design is what gives you value.
You are valuable, because Almighty God, the architect of the universe, is your architect! He designed your looks, your height, your personality – every detail of you – uniquely and perfectly, exactly the way you need to be to accomplish your mission in life. He placed inside of you unique gifts, talents, passions, and dreams. There are no accidents! God made you at this time in the history of planet earth for a reason. The world needs what you have to offer through your distinctive talents.
So often I hear people say things like “if only I had her personality, then I would be successful”. “If only I were taller...” “If only I were prettier...” “If only I were stronger...” You are exactly the way you need to be!
The key to living your best life is to know the truth about your value. When you know the truth, you can be self-validating and self-approving. When you look for approval from others, you sacrifice a piece of yourself by doing what makes them happy, instead of what is in your heart. If you live for the approval of others long enough, you will forget who you really are! Rather than trying to be someone else, be the best at being you. Learn to accept yourself as you really are.
Start today approving of yourself. Instead of focusing on the one thing you did not do perfectly, focus on the 1,000 things you did well today! Give everything you do your best effort. Give yourself credit for all the things you did well, and tell yourself you will do better on the other things next time.
Perhaps other people have put you down, focusing on the one thing you did that was not perfect. Perhaps they have said you do not have what it takes to accomplish your dreams. They are wrong. You have everything it takes to fulfill your God-inspired dreams. Your true value comes from the architect behind your unique design, God Himself. It’s not what you do, it’s not what you have, and it’s not how you look that makes you valuable. The world needs you and the gifts and talents only you have to offer! You are exactly the way you need to be. Believe it and start approving of yourself today!
What makes you valuable? Perhaps you think it’s what you do, how you look, or what you have. If so, consider this perspective. What makes a home designed by world-renowned architect Frank Lloyd Wright worth more than another home of the same size and similar location? Of course, it is because the unique design of the home was created by architect Frank Lloyd Wright. By the same token, the architect behind your design is what gives you value.
You are valuable, because Almighty God, the architect of the universe, is your architect! He designed your looks, your height, your personality – every detail of you – uniquely and perfectly, exactly the way you need to be to accomplish your mission in life. He placed inside of you unique gifts, talents, passions, and dreams. There are no accidents! God made you at this time in the history of planet earth for a reason. The world needs what you have to offer through your distinctive talents.
So often I hear people say things like “if only I had her personality, then I would be successful”. “If only I were taller...” “If only I were prettier...” “If only I were stronger...” You are exactly the way you need to be!
The key to living your best life is to know the truth about your value. When you know the truth, you can be self-validating and self-approving. When you look for approval from others, you sacrifice a piece of yourself by doing what makes them happy, instead of what is in your heart. If you live for the approval of others long enough, you will forget who you really are! Rather than trying to be someone else, be the best at being you. Learn to accept yourself as you really are.
Start today approving of yourself. Instead of focusing on the one thing you did not do perfectly, focus on the 1,000 things you did well today! Give everything you do your best effort. Give yourself credit for all the things you did well, and tell yourself you will do better on the other things next time.
Perhaps other people have put you down, focusing on the one thing you did that was not perfect. Perhaps they have said you do not have what it takes to accomplish your dreams. They are wrong. You have everything it takes to fulfill your God-inspired dreams. Your true value comes from the architect behind your unique design, God Himself. It’s not what you do, it’s not what you have, and it’s not how you look that makes you valuable. The world needs you and the gifts and talents only you have to offer! You are exactly the way you need to be. Believe it and start approving of yourself today!
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