By Julie Rahm
What is truth? Is truth simply a belief I have held for a long time? Beliefs trigger thoughts. Thoughts trigger feelings. Feelings trigger actions. So, does that mean I create my own truth? What about absolutes like the law of gravity? Gravity holds me on the planet whether or not I believe in it. Is there absolute truth in everything? And, if my truth is different from absolute truth, does it matter what absolute truth is if I do not learn it? Can I change absolute truth by influencing enough people to believe my truth?
What do I know for sure? I know that gravity holds me on earth. The earth rotates on its own axis and revolves around the sun. I have faith that I was created by God for a purpose, that He loves me and that I am saved by His grace. And, all things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose. I know that the past is gone and the future is uncertain, so I live in now, anticipating even better tomorrows. What else do I need to know for sure?
By the way, did Adam have a navel?
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
The Ascent
The Ascent, by Julie Rahm
Last May, I graduated with the Leadership Craven Class of 2008. Leadership Craven is sponsored by the New Bern Chamber of Commerce. The program gives the participants behind the scenes perspective of the inner workings of Craven County. To successfully complete the program, an overnight retreat at Camp Seafarer, a YMCA Camp, is required. The crucible of the retreat happens on the second day with an opportunity to climb the tower at nearby Camp Seagull. The tower is three stories high with a platform on top. The climbing options include cargo netting or telephone poles with widely spaced foot and handholds. The task appears easy. But, when the platform is viewed from below against the blue sky, the true nature of the challenging climb becomes apparent. The height is daunting. Most of my classmates went first. Some climbed part of the way and decided that was enough. Others elected not to climb the tower at all. For me, nothing less than standing on top of the platform was acceptable. About a third of the way up, my fear of heights began to surface. My determination was not enough to suppress the anxiety. Fears began to creep into my psyche. I became tired and unable to see the next hand or foot hold. My ascent up the tower slowed then finally stopped. I did not have the energy for more vertical. Then, I heard voices below me. Krista, Janine, and Nancy were encouraging me. They started coaching me. Their voices echoed the locations of the next handholds and footholds. The encouragement and directions were enough to get me moving back up the tower. With their help, I finished the climb.
Looking out from the top at the beauty of the Neuse River I thought about the times in my life when I needed help and did not ask for it. I often camouflaged my need for help. Even in the most demanding times I did not show my need. What made me reluctant to ask for help? Did I feel imposing? Did I have a fear of looking incompetent? Did I have a trust deficit? Have I experienced negative feedback when asking for help? On that tower, I finally realized in order to accomplish great things – or even not-so-great things - I need other people. It is lonely being and army of one. Happy, successful people surround themselves with other positive, supportive people and ask for help. It is a sign of strength, not weakness.
In the weeks since that day, I have been paying attention to my people environment. As the doorkeeper of my people environment, I choose who I let into my world. I choose people who support my goals. Looking for opportunities to create a personal community rather than being an island has energized me. I look for people to help in my pursuits. My new perspective has made all the difference!
Last May, I graduated with the Leadership Craven Class of 2008. Leadership Craven is sponsored by the New Bern Chamber of Commerce. The program gives the participants behind the scenes perspective of the inner workings of Craven County. To successfully complete the program, an overnight retreat at Camp Seafarer, a YMCA Camp, is required. The crucible of the retreat happens on the second day with an opportunity to climb the tower at nearby Camp Seagull. The tower is three stories high with a platform on top. The climbing options include cargo netting or telephone poles with widely spaced foot and handholds. The task appears easy. But, when the platform is viewed from below against the blue sky, the true nature of the challenging climb becomes apparent. The height is daunting. Most of my classmates went first. Some climbed part of the way and decided that was enough. Others elected not to climb the tower at all. For me, nothing less than standing on top of the platform was acceptable. About a third of the way up, my fear of heights began to surface. My determination was not enough to suppress the anxiety. Fears began to creep into my psyche. I became tired and unable to see the next hand or foot hold. My ascent up the tower slowed then finally stopped. I did not have the energy for more vertical. Then, I heard voices below me. Krista, Janine, and Nancy were encouraging me. They started coaching me. Their voices echoed the locations of the next handholds and footholds. The encouragement and directions were enough to get me moving back up the tower. With their help, I finished the climb.
Looking out from the top at the beauty of the Neuse River I thought about the times in my life when I needed help and did not ask for it. I often camouflaged my need for help. Even in the most demanding times I did not show my need. What made me reluctant to ask for help? Did I feel imposing? Did I have a fear of looking incompetent? Did I have a trust deficit? Have I experienced negative feedback when asking for help? On that tower, I finally realized in order to accomplish great things – or even not-so-great things - I need other people. It is lonely being and army of one. Happy, successful people surround themselves with other positive, supportive people and ask for help. It is a sign of strength, not weakness.
In the weeks since that day, I have been paying attention to my people environment. As the doorkeeper of my people environment, I choose who I let into my world. I choose people who support my goals. Looking for opportunities to create a personal community rather than being an island has energized me. I look for people to help in my pursuits. My new perspective has made all the difference!
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
"High D's" and Dogs
"High D’s" and Dogs
By Julie Rahm
My husband, John, and I just had another exchange that beautifully illustrates the differences in our personality styles and why we need each other. Our friend, Sarah, called and John happened to answer. Sarah works for a veterinarian in town and wanted to know if we would like to adopt a dog. John simply said, “No, thanks” and said goodbye.
I asked John who called and what they wanted. John answered me, and then I proceeded to ask him a litany of questions… “What kind of dog? Is the dog male or female? How old is the dog? Whose dog was it? How did the dog come to need a home?...” Of course, he could not answer any of my questions. He said none of my questions mattered, because we were not going to adopt the dog.
I’m thinking that is true; however, I might come across someone who would like to adopt the dog. How can I sell them on the dog if I know nothing about it? If someone does not adopt the dog it will end up at the animal shelter and could die an early death.
You’re probably thinking that this dog is not my problem and really has nothing to do with me, and you would be right. John reminded me not to distract myself from my own goals by taking on someone else’s problem. Although I know better, that's an old habit of mine that resurfaces from time to time.
My exchange with John shows our differences so well. He is task-oriented and I am people-oriented. He makes decisions based on facts and data. I tend to be more naturally emotional about decisions. He wants the bottom line – do not waste his time! I want to talk about things.
Together we make a balanced team. We each possess qualities the other would like to have. Together we make better decisions and have amazing synergy - a true blend of the best of our personality styles.
By Julie Rahm
My husband, John, and I just had another exchange that beautifully illustrates the differences in our personality styles and why we need each other. Our friend, Sarah, called and John happened to answer. Sarah works for a veterinarian in town and wanted to know if we would like to adopt a dog. John simply said, “No, thanks” and said goodbye.
I asked John who called and what they wanted. John answered me, and then I proceeded to ask him a litany of questions… “What kind of dog? Is the dog male or female? How old is the dog? Whose dog was it? How did the dog come to need a home?...” Of course, he could not answer any of my questions. He said none of my questions mattered, because we were not going to adopt the dog.
I’m thinking that is true; however, I might come across someone who would like to adopt the dog. How can I sell them on the dog if I know nothing about it? If someone does not adopt the dog it will end up at the animal shelter and could die an early death.
You’re probably thinking that this dog is not my problem and really has nothing to do with me, and you would be right. John reminded me not to distract myself from my own goals by taking on someone else’s problem. Although I know better, that's an old habit of mine that resurfaces from time to time.
My exchange with John shows our differences so well. He is task-oriented and I am people-oriented. He makes decisions based on facts and data. I tend to be more naturally emotional about decisions. He wants the bottom line – do not waste his time! I want to talk about things.
Together we make a balanced team. We each possess qualities the other would like to have. Together we make better decisions and have amazing synergy - a true blend of the best of our personality styles.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Please Understand Me
Please Understand Me By Julie Rahm
Have you ever wondered why you can say something to one person and get one response, and then say the same thing to another person and get a totally different response? The reason is that people have different personality styles and each style has a different priority. Over 2400 years ago, Hippocrates was among the scientists and philosophers who began to distinguish differences in behavior that followed a pattern. In 1928, this pattern was ultimately defined by Dr. William Marston when he wrote The Emotions of Normal People.
So what are the patterns? Marston theorized four fundamental motivations that lead to four behavior patterns. Each of us is a unique blend of the four patterns. Let me illustrate these patterns with a story. Imagine that a building is on fire. Four people stop at the scene. One person remarks, “Someone should do something about this!”. Another takes out a notepad and begins calculating and muttering, “The building is six stories. The fire is on the third floor. The person on the fourth floor wants to jump. She looks like she weighs about 120 pounds so we’ll need four strong men to hold the blanket…”. Another person begins barking orders and pointing to people, “I will handle this! You call 9-1-1, you find a blanket, …”. The fourth person asks, “Who has the marshmallows?”.
Marston describes the four personality styles as DISC for Dominant, Inspiring, Supportive, and Cautious. I have summarized the four types below.
High D - Dominance (to conquer)
% of population: 10%
Key emotion: quick to anger
Motivated by: challenge, control
Mantra: “I want it yesterday!”
Fears: Wasting time
Key descriptors: dominant, direct, demanding, decisive, determined, doer
Asks: What?
“I like being my own boss.”
“I know what I want & I go after it.”
“I like to test myself with new challenges.”
High I – Influence (to persuade)
% of population: 25-30%
Key emotion: Optimism
Motivated by: recognition, approval
Mantra: “Let the good times roll!”
Fears: Rejection
Key descriptors: inspirational, impressive, interested in people
Asks: Who?
“I enjoy telling stories & entertaining people.”
“I get fired up about things.”
“I like freedom from control & detail.”
High S – Steadiness (to be supportive)
% of population: 30-35%
Key emotion: Hide emotion
Motivated by: appreciation, security
Mantra: “Working together, we can do it!”
Fears: Change
Key descriptors: steady, stable, supportive, sensitive, status quo
Asks: Why?
“I like working with people who get along.”
“I enjoy helping people.”
“I can be counted on to get the job done.”
High C – Cautious (to avoid conflict)
% of population: 20-25%
Key emotions: fear/risk aversion
Motivated by: quality answers, value
Mantra: “Don’t show all your cards!”
Fears: Criticism
Key descriptors: cautious, calculating, competent, compliant, contemplative
Asks: How?
“I enjoy analyzing things.”
“I prefer facts to emotions.”
“I enjoy working with people who are organized & have high standards.”
When we learn to say the same thing in a different way – not from our perspective, but others - we live and work so much better together!
Have you ever wondered why you can say something to one person and get one response, and then say the same thing to another person and get a totally different response? The reason is that people have different personality styles and each style has a different priority. Over 2400 years ago, Hippocrates was among the scientists and philosophers who began to distinguish differences in behavior that followed a pattern. In 1928, this pattern was ultimately defined by Dr. William Marston when he wrote The Emotions of Normal People.
So what are the patterns? Marston theorized four fundamental motivations that lead to four behavior patterns. Each of us is a unique blend of the four patterns. Let me illustrate these patterns with a story. Imagine that a building is on fire. Four people stop at the scene. One person remarks, “Someone should do something about this!”. Another takes out a notepad and begins calculating and muttering, “The building is six stories. The fire is on the third floor. The person on the fourth floor wants to jump. She looks like she weighs about 120 pounds so we’ll need four strong men to hold the blanket…”. Another person begins barking orders and pointing to people, “I will handle this! You call 9-1-1, you find a blanket, …”. The fourth person asks, “Who has the marshmallows?”.
Marston describes the four personality styles as DISC for Dominant, Inspiring, Supportive, and Cautious. I have summarized the four types below.
High D - Dominance (to conquer)
% of population: 10%
Key emotion: quick to anger
Motivated by: challenge, control
Mantra: “I want it yesterday!”
Fears: Wasting time
Key descriptors: dominant, direct, demanding, decisive, determined, doer
Asks: What?
“I like being my own boss.”
“I know what I want & I go after it.”
“I like to test myself with new challenges.”
High I – Influence (to persuade)
% of population: 25-30%
Key emotion: Optimism
Motivated by: recognition, approval
Mantra: “Let the good times roll!”
Fears: Rejection
Key descriptors: inspirational, impressive, interested in people
Asks: Who?
“I enjoy telling stories & entertaining people.”
“I get fired up about things.”
“I like freedom from control & detail.”
High S – Steadiness (to be supportive)
% of population: 30-35%
Key emotion: Hide emotion
Motivated by: appreciation, security
Mantra: “Working together, we can do it!”
Fears: Change
Key descriptors: steady, stable, supportive, sensitive, status quo
Asks: Why?
“I like working with people who get along.”
“I enjoy helping people.”
“I can be counted on to get the job done.”
High C – Cautious (to avoid conflict)
% of population: 20-25%
Key emotions: fear/risk aversion
Motivated by: quality answers, value
Mantra: “Don’t show all your cards!”
Fears: Criticism
Key descriptors: cautious, calculating, competent, compliant, contemplative
Asks: How?
“I enjoy analyzing things.”
“I prefer facts to emotions.”
“I enjoy working with people who are organized & have high standards.”
When we learn to say the same thing in a different way – not from our perspective, but others - we live and work so much better together!
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Where are Your Habits Leading You? by Jack Canfield
You are an accumulation of your habits. From how you get out of bed, how you shower, how you dress, how you walk, sit, and talk, how you respond to the world, how you act in front of others, and how you think; you're living out your habits.
Habits are necessary. They free up your mind so you can concentrate on how to survive day to day. You don't have to think about how to drive your car so you ca n be on the lookout for danger while you are driving. You don't have to think about how to walk so you can concentrate on where you're going.
Unfortunately, habits can also keep you locked in self-destructive patterns, which will limit your success. To become successful, you will need to drop bad habits and develop new ones that are in line with the life you want to live.
People don't suddenly appear in the life they want to live... their habits determine their outcome!
What are the habits you have that are keeping you from achieving your goals?
Really be honest with yourself here... Are you always running late? Do you return phone calls within 24 hours? Do you get enough sleep? Do you follow through on your promises? Do you plan out your day?
Imagine what your life would be like if all your habits were their productive counterparts!
What would your life be like if you ate healthy meals, exercised and got enough sleep? What if you saved your money, st opped using credit cards and paid cash for everything? What if you stopped procrastinating, overcame your fears, and began networking with people in your field? Would your life be different? I bet it would!
So, my suggested action step for you is to write down some productive habits you could adopt and visualize in your life, step two is to 'act as if' you were living these new habits right now!
I'd like to help you get moving toward creating more successful habits, so I'd recommend you develop four of your new success habits each year, one for each quarter.
Once you pick the new habit you're ready to adopt, next you'll want to create a method that will support your new habit.
Here are some ideas... You could write it down on a card that you keep with you and read several times a day. You could make it a part of your daily visualization. You could also enlist the help of an accountability partner who has habits to change, or work with a personal coach who can keep you on track.
It's important to make a 100% commitment to your new habit, so be sp ecific about the steps that you're willing to take in order to drop an old habit and adopt a new one. Don't be vague about how you will change your habits. Spell it out for yourself so you can recognize situations that motivate you to act out your new habit.
Just developing four new habits a year will dramatically shift your life to be more in line with your vision. And the more in line it becomes, the easier the other habits are to replace because your perspective is shifting and you can see more clearly how your old habits aren't serving you anymore.
Make the decision. Make the commitment. Then watch your new, positive life unfold!
Take the time to implement just one of the strategies discussed in today's issue.
© 2008 Jack Canfield
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is the founder and co-creator of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
You are an accumulation of your habits. From how you get out of bed, how you shower, how you dress, how you walk, sit, and talk, how you respond to the world, how you act in front of others, and how you think; you're living out your habits.
Habits are necessary. They free up your mind so you can concentrate on how to survive day to day. You don't have to think about how to drive your car so you ca n be on the lookout for danger while you are driving. You don't have to think about how to walk so you can concentrate on where you're going.
Unfortunately, habits can also keep you locked in self-destructive patterns, which will limit your success. To become successful, you will need to drop bad habits and develop new ones that are in line with the life you want to live.
People don't suddenly appear in the life they want to live... their habits determine their outcome!
What are the habits you have that are keeping you from achieving your goals?
Really be honest with yourself here... Are you always running late? Do you return phone calls within 24 hours? Do you get enough sleep? Do you follow through on your promises? Do you plan out your day?
Imagine what your life would be like if all your habits were their productive counterparts!
What would your life be like if you ate healthy meals, exercised and got enough sleep? What if you saved your money, st opped using credit cards and paid cash for everything? What if you stopped procrastinating, overcame your fears, and began networking with people in your field? Would your life be different? I bet it would!
So, my suggested action step for you is to write down some productive habits you could adopt and visualize in your life, step two is to 'act as if' you were living these new habits right now!
I'd like to help you get moving toward creating more successful habits, so I'd recommend you develop four of your new success habits each year, one for each quarter.
Once you pick the new habit you're ready to adopt, next you'll want to create a method that will support your new habit.
Here are some ideas... You could write it down on a card that you keep with you and read several times a day. You could make it a part of your daily visualization. You could also enlist the help of an accountability partner who has habits to change, or work with a personal coach who can keep you on track.
It's important to make a 100% commitment to your new habit, so be sp ecific about the steps that you're willing to take in order to drop an old habit and adopt a new one. Don't be vague about how you will change your habits. Spell it out for yourself so you can recognize situations that motivate you to act out your new habit.
Just developing four new habits a year will dramatically shift your life to be more in line with your vision. And the more in line it becomes, the easier the other habits are to replace because your perspective is shifting and you can see more clearly how your old habits aren't serving you anymore.
Make the decision. Make the commitment. Then watch your new, positive life unfold!
Take the time to implement just one of the strategies discussed in today's issue.
© 2008 Jack Canfield
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is the founder and co-creator of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
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