Please Understand Me

Please Understand Me By Julie Rahm

Have you ever wondered why you can say something to one person and get one response, and then say the same thing to another person and get a totally different response? The reason is that people have different personality styles and each style has a different priority. Over 2400 years ago, Hippocrates was among the scientists and philosophers who began to distinguish differences in behavior that followed a pattern. In 1928, this pattern was ultimately defined by Dr. William Marston when he wrote The Emotions of Normal People.

So what are the patterns? Marston theorized four fundamental motivations that lead to four behavior patterns. Each of us is a unique blend of the four patterns. Let me illustrate these patterns with a story. Imagine that a building is on fire. Four people stop at the scene. One person remarks, “Someone should do something about this!”. Another takes out a notepad and begins calculating and muttering, “The building is six stories. The fire is on the third floor. The person on the fourth floor wants to jump. She looks like she weighs about 120 pounds so we’ll need four strong men to hold the blanket…”. Another person begins barking orders and pointing to people, “I will handle this! You call 9-1-1, you find a blanket, …”. The fourth person asks, “Who has the marshmallows?”.

Marston describes the four personality styles as DISC for Dominant, Inspiring, Supportive, and Cautious. I have summarized the four types below.

High D - Dominance (to conquer)
% of population: 10%
Key emotion: quick to anger
Motivated by: challenge, control
Mantra: “I want it yesterday!”
Fears: Wasting time
Key descriptors: dominant, direct, demanding, decisive, determined, doer
Asks: What?
“I like being my own boss.”
“I know what I want & I go after it.”
“I like to test myself with new challenges.”

High I – Influence (to persuade)
% of population: 25-30%
Key emotion: Optimism
Motivated by: recognition, approval
Mantra: “Let the good times roll!”
Fears: Rejection
Key descriptors: inspirational, impressive, interested in people
Asks: Who?
“I enjoy telling stories & entertaining people.”
“I get fired up about things.”
“I like freedom from control & detail.”

High S – Steadiness (to be supportive)
% of population: 30-35%
Key emotion: Hide emotion
Motivated by: appreciation, security
Mantra: “Working together, we can do it!”
Fears: Change
Key descriptors: steady, stable, supportive, sensitive, status quo
Asks: Why?
“I like working with people who get along.”
“I enjoy helping people.”
“I can be counted on to get the job done.”

High C – Cautious (to avoid conflict)
% of population: 20-25%
Key emotions: fear/risk aversion
Motivated by: quality answers, value
Mantra: “Don’t show all your cards!”
Fears: Criticism
Key descriptors: cautious, calculating, competent, compliant, contemplative
Asks: How?
“I enjoy analyzing things.”
“I prefer facts to emotions.”
“I enjoy working with people who are organized & have high standards.”

When we learn to say the same thing in a different way – not from our perspective, but others - we live and work so much better together!